Choosing our starfish
Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”
The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”
“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “I made a difference to that one!”
adapted from The Star Thrower
by Loren Eiseley
1907 – 1977
I don’t remember when I first heard this story, but it’s one that’s always stuck in my head. As someone who has always felt drawn to the “helper” role, I can’t help but identify with the young man saving the starfish. I can understand his motivation in taking the time to stop and take the time for each individual starfish. At the same time I’m inspired by his optimism and level head when confronted with the glaring enormity of the situation.
In life, I think we all are drawn to our own starfish. The world is rife with people and situations that warrant our attention. Orphans overseas, the homeless in our hometown, animals on the verge of extinction, a minority group being oppressed. There are endless causes to campaign for and organizations to volunteer in but there’s no possible way for one person to take on everything.
So how do we choose? How do we decide what’s important enough to dedicate our time and/or money to? Or, more importantly, how do we draw the line between healthy giving of ourselves and an unsustainable overextension of our resources?
Over the years, I’ve had various paid and unpaid work positions come and go from my life. The ones that I’ve let go have been overly-taxing or haven’t represented the situations I’m most passionate about. The volunteer work I continue with (La Leche League and our local attachment parenting group) represent the starfish I’ve chosen. Moms. Babies. Families. Breastfeeding. Healthy family relationships. These are the things I feel passionately about because I’ve lived them. I’ve benefited from the volunteer work and the generosity of others in these areas, and it feels right that I give back what I can.
I’ve seen pettiness sometimes from people who don’t understand why others don’t take on their same causes. I like to think that we’re all looking out for our own type of starfish. Sometimes there the ones that nobody sees but us, and sometimes we’re our own starfish.
8 Responses
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- Aug 12, 2011: Summer Blog Challenge Day 4 Digest - In The Now
I admire your volunteerism! I’ve recently felt a calling towards birth education and all the sort of stuff you mentioned. I want to volunteer in that area not because I have experience in it, but I have seen how much it is needed, and I figure if I have a strong interest in it, that’s what I should do.
I have one aunt that got mad at her sister for not donating enough money to her cause even after she donated a very generous amount. We should all just work on our causes and tell people about what we do, but not push it. That makes people unwilling to help you.
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Kim Reply:
August 15th, 2011 at 11:02 pm
Following our interests always makes sense to me. Even if you don’t have the experience, learning what is necessary is easier if you’re passionate about it. I’m interested to hear where following your calling takes you!
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You make a difference in a lot of starfishies lives Mama and they are all so grateful for it. Stay with your passion(s) and don’t let the pettiness get to you….you know, cause of karma and all. :)
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I think the important thing is to think outside of yourself and add value to something. For me it is animals, for some its kids, homeless, whatever is close to your heart. If everyone does a little something extra it all adds up in the end. I really enjoyed that starfish story because sometimes we get so overwhelmed with the enormity of an issue/cause we throw up our hands and do nothing. But that was a good example of making a difference even if its small.
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Kim Reply:
August 15th, 2011 at 10:57 pm
I think that your words “close to your heart” is exactly the key. It’s so easy to give when it’s something meaningful to us, and there shouldn’t be a problem acknowledging when we’re not passionate about something.
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My starfish is bald men in IT. Really, an underserved part of the community.
Seriously, I’m glad we started prioritizing and going with what we were passionate about. It’s not just about spreading ourselves too thin. It’s also about doing a disservice and giving a half-assed effort to the things we were not so in tune with.
Great post, Kim!
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Kim Reply:
August 15th, 2011 at 10:56 pm
I’m all for paying more attention to the bald starfish! ;)
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