Just Feeding My Kid
There are few parenting topics that stir up emotions like breastfeeding. Put the “breastfeeding in public” spin on it, and you’re likely to get a wide array of passionate opinions offered up.
From snarky remarks to blatant harassment, there’s a lot of negativity directed at moms breastfeeding in front of others, and I’d like to speak up as one of the moms who breastfeeds in public on a regular basis.
Dear everyone offended by moms breastfeeding in public:
When I breastfeed my child, it’s not about you. It’s about my child.
Many times during the day and night, she breastfeeds. Sometimes she’s hungry. Sometimes she’s thirsty. Sometimes she’s tired, and sometimes she’s overwhelmed and needs to reconnect. Our nursing relationship is one based on meeting her needs, and these needs fluctuate.
I don’t pump breastmilk to feed her in a bottle when we’re out of the house. I respect that breastmilk changes in composition depending on the time of day and the pathogens my child has been exposed to. I also acknowledge that the milk itself isn’t always the reason for her breastfeeding, and that a bottle of milk doesn’t meet her need for familiar physical contact. Pumping breastmilk is also a very time consuming task for me and I don’t have the extra hours in my day to pump and store milk, and then sterilize the equipment.
I don’t breastfeed in public to make others uncomfortable. If anything, it’s been a process over the last 11 years of parenting my breastfed children to become more comfortable myself breastfeeding around others. If you think you’re put in a rough spot by noticing that my child is breastfeeding, please think of how I feel being subject to your dirty looks and your scandalized whispers to your friend.
I do my best to stay in my comfort zone of keeping my bare skin covered up, which generally means I’m trying to keep my belly and back from hanging out of the bottom of my shirt and I keep my breast mostly covered. Sometimes my child pulls my shirt up and completely uncovers my breast. Please feel free to avert your eyes just as I do when you bend over to put on your shoes and I see how low your pants are riding.
I respect that my breastfeeding in public might stir up uncomfortable feelings in you. I think that it speaks to how out of touch our society is with breastfeeding. I’m sure that if I show a bit of respect for you and you show a bit of respect for me, we can have conversations about our needs and our feelings, and we can find even more ways of supporting families raising small children.
Signed,
A breastfeeding mom
18 Responses
to “Just Feeding My Kid”
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- Aug 28, 2011: Summer Blog Challenge Day 20 Digest - In The Now
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It doesn’t really bother me if someone breastfeeds in public, I appreciate when they try and be a bit discreet but if I get a flash of nipple it’s not a problem. I think no matter what people do in public they just need to use common sense. If your changing a diaper, I don’t want it done on the top of a table in a restaurant. If people are being affectionate, go for it but keep it minimal or get a room.
So breastfeeding isn’t a problem in my world but I guess everyone has different comfort levels.
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Kim Reply:
August 27th, 2011 at 9:46 pm
I think you’re bang on with the statement about using common sense in public. We can’t guarantee that we’ll never see things we dislike when we go out in public, but there’s room for being aware of those around us no matter our situation.
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I LOVE THIS!! I think that something a lot of people who are bothered by NIP miss- is that it can be just as uncomfortable for the mom- but she’s just doing what her baby needs her to do. Period. Props to all the mamas out there who put their child’s needs first, without letting others’ discomfort stop them.
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Kim Reply:
August 27th, 2011 at 9:07 pm
I think that’s exactly what happens – people often don’t “get” where the breastfeeding mom is coming from. I think that if people in our society were more aware of what a normal breastfeeding relationship looks like there would be a lot more kindness shown to both moms and babies.
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I think it’s 100% because people have a low self image that they need to be offend by what’s natural and exactly what the good Lord gave women breasts for.
People really need to give their head a shake and stop being so damn selfish by only thinking of themselves and their comfort level.
Great post Kim, I’ll make sure to retweet and share !
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Kim Reply:
August 27th, 2011 at 9:14 pm
I’m not sure I’m all the way with you on the low self image thing, Shaun. I think that could be a part of it but I think there are a lot of things going on that lead to discomfort with breastfeeding. One aspect is that our society has placed such an extreme sexual spin on breasts and we see so much of this in the media every day. Paired with how rare it is to see a woman breastfeeding, it’s hard to reconcile the fact that breasts can be both sexual and nurturing.
I do agree that we would all do a lot better if we spent more time trying to see things from another’s perspective! Thanks for the comment! :)
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Shaun Reply:
August 27th, 2011 at 9:19 pm
I think the whole sexual thing is a North American concept. You go over to Europe and breasts are not as big of a deal there as they are here. We’ve created the fascination with breasts because of North American’s prude attitude towards the human body. Having been over to Europe I can tell you it’s MUCH different over there and seeing boobs and other parts isn’t a huge deal, well at least to them.
It’s a shame really, but I’m with you!
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Amen sista!! I have no more to add here as you have said it all. What I do try to do myself is encourage the moms who are out there nursing in public and tending to their babies. An encouraging smile, an ;I’ve been there too and you are doing great’ comment or look can go a long way. Try it people!!
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Kim Reply:
August 27th, 2011 at 9:48 pm
Yes! A kind smile can mean the world to a mom nervous about breastfeeding in public. I’ve had people come up to me and say some really kind things and they’ve made such an impact on me!
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Great post Kim! This brought back memories of my early nursing days but it was comments from my own family! I don’t think any of them breastfed so to them it was only about nourishment. During the LONG Chinese restaurant dinners where I’d nurse Fin a few times the comment was always “he’s eating again?!” While the older generation is a lost cause, I hope I’m showing my younger cousins that breastfeeding is normal!
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Kim Reply:
August 28th, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I think it’s hard for people not used to breastfeeding to understand that it’s normal for breastfeeding babies to nurse frequently. That whole “He’s eating again?” comment is a pretty common one, I think, and could make for a doorway to conversations about typical behavior.
I’ll bet that you’re making a huge impact on your cousins, especially when they see you feeding those twins in a few months!! :)
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Lol, my friend and I were just talking about ‘those looks’ and whether they were actually critical looks or we were just percieving them that way! Thanks for the great blog! It does take something to breastfeed in public, especially, at the beginning. Being raised in this culture and not having practice exposing oneself in public before it is a bit of a courageous feat to sit down and breastfeed. Thank goodness we get a bit of practice while they’re newborns, before they are squirming and pulling on fabric etc while they are nursing! The comments that get to me is “When are you going to wean her already?”, “Isn’t she a bit old to still be nursing?”
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Kim Reply:
August 28th, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I’m right there with you on the looks from others sometimes being mostly about how we’re receiving them. I remember with my first child, feeling everyone was uncomfortable while I breastfed. It wasn’t until I had my second child and assumed I would be met with positive remarks that I realized how much of the stress I’d experienced was perceived.
The comments about weaning can be tough! With breastfeeding being uncommon in our recent generations there can be that lack of understanding about why it’s important for babies to breastfeed past the first months. Hopefully you found some support in like-minded folks! :)
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I breastfeed in public because I need to be out in public? I would be a horrible mother if I was stuck in the house all day everyday. My son loves to go out and do things and see things. My son is 9 months, and when he hears or sees something new he must check out out. I am then exposed but use my hand to cover up so when he’s ready to nurse again, he can latch right away. People often forget how normal nursing is. Its the oldest thing around isn’t it? I do get looks sometimes, or people have commented that he is too old to be nursing. To this, I don’t know what to say. He’s only 9 months. I have had people say that they like to see nursing in public. I do too, and I often smile at that mother for not covering up, for being attentive to her babies needs.
Thanks for posting this! I hope the rest of society that has a problem with public nursing can just get real, and realize we often have to ignore or not care about whatever they are doing.
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Kim Reply:
August 28th, 2011 at 12:28 pm
The need to get out of the house is such a big thing – for mom and for baby! Between going about everyday errands and maintaining that important social interaction, going out and about in public with breastfeeding babies is just a fact of life. I love that you make a point of smiling at moms who are breastfeeding! A little bit of understanding goes a long way. :)
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